The Diary Of Jane
by ParanormalLove
Summary: She was once a normal girl, but loving a fallen angel changes everything. She strayed from the path lit by good and has stumbled in to the darkness. Standing between life and death, she contemplates whether she's fallen in too deep or if she still has a chance to redeem herself from the wrong she has done. "If it feels wrong, it's probably right." (Rated M for content) OC/P
1. Rain

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights, characters, ideas or anything from **_**Hush, Hush**_**.**

* * *

_**READERS: Taking place around Crescendo, Patch ended things for Nora's safety however the girl isn't Nora. Her name is Jane and she doesn't look like Nora except for the legs. Patch likes long legs.**_

_**Carry on. (:**_

* * *

_Chapter One_

I was once again standing on the ledge of a tall building. Unlike the last time, I stood here alone. No gun, no Jules, and no Patch coming to my rescue. Add to the list that this building is much higher than the gym rafters.

_Much, much higher_. A voice in my head agreed.

The urge to jump was strong. In truth, this suicide attempt was long overdue. It took me forever to realize that any chance at getting my old life back had long passed.

I'm not the old Jane. I've made mistake upon mistake since my break up with Patch.

I changed in to a girl who had claimed a spot below Marcie Millar. I got even with the popsicle and the repercussions cost me everything; My reputation, my dignity, my best friend, my mother, my life.

Gone.

Even... Him, Patch... Jev, a man of revenge, had been disappointed in me. No one has looked me in the eye since that one moment, that one day. Not a single person sees me as Jane Cole, boring girl.

Words like conniving, dangerous, vicious, calculating, whore come to mind.

I'd never thought that last word would ever be put in the same sentence as me… but time changes everything I suppose.

One moment can change everything, but I guess my one moment had an opening ceremony. It all built up to that final moment that led to me now about to jump to my death.

* * *

_Three Months Ago…_

The alarm beeped and buzzed, but I'm not ready to get out of bed. I'm not ready to go outside. I'm not ready to go to work. I'm not ready to face people. I'm not ready to pretend I'm okay. And I'm most certainly not ready to risk seeing Patch.

Just the thought of his name gave my stomach an uncomfortable twist.

I squeezed my eyes shut. The burn of tears came, but I couldn't allow myself to cry. I already had for three days straight.

Taking in a breath, I attempted to calm my nerves.

I doesn't matter if I'm ready or not. The world is still turning and life is still going on. I can't hide forever.

I swallow the lump in my throat and sit up. A chill sweeps in from the cracks in the window, but I'm too preoccupied by keeping myself from crying.

Crawling out of bed, I head toward the bathroom and inspect the damage done. One whole week without a shower, proper meal, or human contact has left me looking like a homeless lady. I scrunch my nose at the smell.

My phone rings at that moment and I pick up the piece of plastic, answering without checking the caller ID. There's only one person who'd call me.

"Hey, Vee."

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" she screeches.

I cringe away from the phone and let out a breath, the smell making me nauseous.

"I guess… somewhat." I shrug, still checking my destroyed person out.

"Well, regardless! Its been a week since Patch broke up with- er… the breakup… SO! You and I are going out. Get ready to go to the beach." Vee cheers.

I roll my eyes, "I have work today."

"No you don't. It's Thursday. You're off." she said proudly.

I scratch my head and remember that even with the extra hours for the summer, my days off stayed the same. Thursday and Sunday. I groan.

"Don't whine. I'll see you in an hour and a half." Vee chimes.

The line cuts off and close my eyes.

"I can do this." I mutter.

* * *

An hour later, I'm showered. I scrubbed my body for at least thirty minutes and used half a gallon of shampoo. Next was feeding. A peanut-butter and jelly would have to suffice for now though I knew with Vee, we'd be eating at some point.

Ten minutes after brushing my teeth, it was time to change in to my bathing suit.

I stared at the three suits I'd found in the closet. One was a one-piece in solid blue. It reminded me of a granny-suit. The other was the bathing suit I wore anytime I wanted to go swimming. A black tankini with some sort of white swirl design.

The last, a bikini I had bought when I was still with… him. He never saw it since we broke up a few days after I bought it, but it was something I wouldn't of worn unless I was with him. Two bright red pieces of material with white polka-dots that barely made the cut for a barely-there bathing suit.

I bit my lip nervously.

I had the body to wear it… in fact, it would compliment my body.

"I'm going to regret this." I murmur to myself.

But the moment I'm wearing the swimsuit, I realize only one person would regret anything if they were to see me and it'd be him. He'd regret giving me up and that's exactly what I want.

I hear knocking on the door and I smirk at my-now clean-reflection. My dark brown hair, hinted with shades of dark purple falls in its usual straight waves. The frizz is gone for once and my light blue-green eyes seem alive.

A little bit of chap stick and I toss on a pair of jean shorts. Knowing I may get a little self-conscious later, I slip in to a white tank top, grab my towel and sunglasses and head downstairs.

At the front door, I grab my keys and slip on my grey sandals. Vee beams at me as I step out the door.

"You look… normal." she smirks.

"Is that a compliment?" I question as I lock the door.

"Always, babe." Vee winks.

I nod, feeling a slight grin. We hop in to the neon and back out of the gravelly driveway. I wouldn't say I live in the middle of nowhere, but it's pretty much that. I live in an old house about twenty minutes outside of town. My neighbors are about a five minute walk away in any direction, but mostly elderly people live around me.

"Is your mom home?" Vee asks.

I shake my head, "No."

"Where could she be?"

"She's a flight attendant. How am I suppose to know?" I smirk.

"Call her?" Vee joked.

"Than I'd have to tell her that my relationship ended and she'll feel obligated to come home and sulk with me, but that's what I have you for. Let my mom enjoy her job." I sigh.

Vee shrugs and turns on to the main road.

"You never did tell me what happened with you and… him."

My heart feels like it lurched in to my chest and the tears beg to fall, but I blink it away.

"How about we have a sleepover tonight? Pizza, ice cream, movies we've seen a billion times and I'll tell you what happened. Until then, lets just not mention it today. I want one day to pretend like my heart wasn't ripped out a few days ago." I suggest.

Vee stops at a stop sign and smiles at me, "I like that idea."

* * *

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	2. Why

Once at the beach, we scavenge for a parking space. Though it is Thursday, its also summer time and every teenager around is either here or the mall. The weather is nice and the sun is shining.

Eventually, the neon squeezes in to an itsy-bitsy spot. Vee grabs her beach bag and I grab my towel. Leaving my phone and keys locked in the glove compartment, we strode over to the sand.

"See any good spots?" Vee asks, a hand over her forehead.

I glance around and see an empty space just beyond a crowd of rocks. Normally, I look for the shadiest, most secluded part of the beach, but for once, this completely sun-stricken spot surrounded by people seems appealing.

I point out the semi-empty space, "Right there."

"Seriously?" Vee questions.

Shrugging, I head toward. "I figured we should tan."

Laughing as if that is the most absurd thing she'd ever heard, Vee follows me. We set up our towels and rub on some tanning lotion… well, Vee does. I stick with a thin layer of sunscreen. I would like a tan, not skin cancer.

Then comes the time to get undressed. It feels as if the beach freezes after I slip my top off and cast it aside with my shorts. Vee's jaw drops.

"Damn, babe." she gasps.

I smirk, "What?"

Pulling her sunglasses down, she gives me a knowing wink.

"Bout' time you show off that bod of yours." Vee mutters.

I laugh and spread out on my towel. The sun soaks away my problems. After about a half hour, I turn over. Vee does the same and we make small conversation about the weather, summer, and how next year will be torture.

The anticipation to finally be free of the hellish place they call high school is overwhelming.

"All I know is that after graduation, I'm heading to college in another state. Possibly another country." I grin.

Vee pumps her fist for a second, "Amen to that."

I grin and take in a breath of salty air. Seconds later, a stomach growls. I laugh at the familiar sound followed by the grumbling of Vee.

"I swear, no matter how many diets I go on, I never seem to lose my appetite."

I smile, "Maybe its because you never stick to the diet."

She smacks my arm and giggles a bit.

"Hey! I could if I wanted to be anorexic. I'm on diets for as long as I deem necessary." she says matter-of-factly.

I sit up and shake my head, "Alright,"

Standing to my feet, I grab my wallet out of Vee's bag.

"I'll go get something from the concession stand. What do you want?" I ask.

She taps her chin, "A cheeseburger, fries, a chocolate milkshake… and a diet cola. Thanks, babe."

"Glad to see you managed to squeeze a bit of a diet-something in to your meal." I tease.

She waves her hand dismissively. I roll my eyes and stroll over to the boardwalk, a nice breeze keeping the hot air from being dramatic.

I get a few whistles and hollers as I walk along. I smile.

For once, I'm being noticed by the male population. Of course this isn't the way to gain their attention, it feels liberating none the less. This new-found tingle puts a bigger swing in my step… or rather, my hips.

I smirk as guys greet me with small, but flirty hellos. All I do is bite my lip and smile back. By the time I reach the concession stand, I'm a glowing ball of happiness.

Though its short lived as the familiar muscular, tan back of the one who still possesses my heart catches my attention. His black hair seems a tad bit longer, curling at the tips and caressing the back of his neck.

His swim trunks are pure black and hanging low on his waist. His feet are bare and they suddenly begin turning toward me. Since I'd discovered my birthright as a second-generation Nephilim, I'd begun to work on my fallen angel skills. One being hearing thoughts.

_He_ had helped me with getting in an angels head quietly and unnoticed.

Because I've never known of my heritage, my power is weak. My mind isn't as Patch often had difficulty getting in my head. Its sporadic at best, but as I whip around to face the line, I search for his mind and attempt to hear his thoughts.

The overwhelming emotions of seeing him make it too difficult to focus and I give up. Closing my eyes, I tell myself to pretend he's not there. He'll go away eventually. Just forget about him.

"Unfortunately, Angel, I'm not very easy to forget about."

His voice sends shivers down my spine and a warmth in to my lower belly. I hold my breath, knowing it'd be shaky. I feel his breath on my neck and sense him behind me.

Patch's smooth fingertips brush against my lower back, awfully close to my bottom.

"Your thoughts are so loud when you're emotional." he murmurs.

Something snaps in me. I whip around and give him a shove out of my personal space, but he doesn't move very far.

"Get out of my head." I hiss.

His signature smirk spreads across his lips; His eyes are dark with mischief and amusement. He's playing with me. Using my weakness to his advantage. It pisses me off.

"Feisty." he purrs.

I glare at him and turn back to the line, forcing every cell in my body to stop betraying me. The shove? I just wanted to touch him, but he stood there. Refusing to move, refusing to give up what he wanted... though that's a bit to the extreme, my thoughts go wild.

_Why couldn't he do that for our relationship?_

My heart lurches at that, but I stand my ground, focusing on keeping him out of my mind.

"I like this bikini… How come I've never seen it?" he asks, his voice getting deep with mock-offense.

"You left before I could show it off." I say before I can stop myself.

"Seems like you're doing an excellent job of that." he mutters.

"What? Showing off my body now that I can? If I even attempted to leave the house in this while I was with you, you'd order me to change." I retort.

He chuckles, "Nah. If you were wearing _that_, Angel… You wouldn't want to leave the bedroom."

My heart does another extra-beat thing and memories of our intimate times flood my mind. I swallow as I realize what he's doing. How? How does he do this?

Without another word, I walk away. A few days ago, I would've broke down crying right there, but a bit of dignity was left in me and I wasn't about to lose it in front of a beach full of people. Off to the neon, I pull out my phone and look through it.

Something in my mind is telling me something I can't hear, but my actions do.

Looking through the call history, I see all the times I dialed, texted, and emailed him. I delete it. I delete it all and finally, at his name in my contacts, I delete it.

It's like a moment of desperation to remove him from my life and I guess that started with deleting him from my contacts and erasing pictures of us together. My background is suddenly on the default blue screen.

_He ended it. You just need to get over him._ I tell myself.

I let out a sigh and head back to Vee.

* * *

"Babe… where's the food?" she questions.

I shrug and lay back on the towel, "The line was ridiculous. Maybe you want to try?"

Vee groans and rolls over.

"I'm just going to save room for that pizza later." she sighs.

I smirk and slide my sunglasses back on.

"Did I miss anything?" I ask.

"No… I guess I was the one that missed out. See those fine pieces of men over there? All. Focused. On. You." she laughs.

I raise an eyebrow and glance in the direction she just pointed toward, "Oh."

She laughs again, "Oh indeed."

* * *

About twenty minutes later, I can't stand sitting anymore, but Vee isn't done tanning.

"Go strut your stuff. I'm gonna finish up here." she sighs.

Rolling my eyes, I throw on my shorts and head toward the boardwalk. My sandals flap against the worn wooden planks as I head toward the very end where no one goes. It's quiet there.

Once I get to my secluded little space, I let out a breath and lean against the balcony.

Patch takes over my mind. His smile, his laugh, his eyes, his hair, his jokes; All of him is just so dark and inviting. I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing back tears. My voice is shaky as I ask the open air for answers.

"How do you do this to me so easily?"


	3. Vulnerable

Instead of ordering the pizza, we picked it up on our way back from the beach. Along with that, we stopped at the candy store and bought-practically-one or two of everything. Add ice cream, popcorn and more chocolate to the list and you've got about twelve bags of groceries.

"Are you… sure we'll need all of this?" I ask Vee cautiously.

She glances at me from the driver seat, "Of course. You said we'd talk about the breakup and breakups mean lots of comfort food and hell of a lot tissues. That's why I got the twelve pack of _Puffs_."

I laugh dryly and give her the evil eye as we pull in to my driveway. I reach in to the backseat and grab five bags for each hand. Vee takes the last two and the pizza. I manage to unlock to the door with two fingers.

Fixing ourselves a plate of pizza, we drop the candy in the living room. I pop in '_The Waterboy_' and sit beside Vee.

* * *

Halfway through the movie, the pizza is gone and wrappers are littered around the living room. Suddenly, the volume goes down and a light flickers on.

The expression of Vee's face gives her away. I let out a breath, rubbing my eyes. She hands me my glasses and I take out the contacts. The nerdy glasses sit on my face.

I make myself comfortable on the couch.

"Where do you want me to start?" I mutter.

She smirks, "The beginning is usually best."

I crack a small smile and bite my lip, "Well, he came over one morning. God, it was terrible out. Down pouring, thunder, lightening; Everything. He showed up at the door all wet, but he looked gorgeous," I smile at the thought droplets of water dripping in his soaking hair.

"Anyway, he smirked and asked to come in. Of course, I let him. When I tried to kiss him, he flinched and that tipped me off. I asked him what was wrong and he tried to play it off like he was just a little dazed, but I'm not stupid. I told him he could trust me with anything, that I was here for him no matter what so… he told me-" I paused.

I couldn't tell her that the Archangels were irritated by him, that they were constantly bothering him. They reassigned him to someone, but he wouldn't tell me who. I know that somewhat of the reason he left me was because of them. He told me it was to protect me… but that couldn't be it.

Weeks before that, he had become gradually more distant. This appearance at my house was the first face-to-face contact we'd had in over a week. Hell, it was the longest I'd talked to him in four days.

Instead, I gave her my theory of why he left me.

"He told me the relationship wasn't working for him anymore. Swearing he still cares about me, he said he was just bored with me. Patch thought it was better for us to breakup and remain friends." I say, swallowing.

The lie was convincing. Then again, I learned from the best.

Vee's face took on a sympathetic look and she pulled me in to a hug, "Oh, Babe, that's terrible! What a jerk."

I bit my lip, nodding. "Yeah."

* * *

Around one in the morning, Vee had passed out. I shut the TV off and cleaned up all the candy wrappers before I picked up our bowls and plates from earlier. I'd just turned the sink on when I heard a swoosh behind me.

Peeking over my shoulder, I saw the outline of his body and the smell of mint hit.

"You shouldn't break in to people's houses. It's against the law." I say, going back to my task.

His laughter vibrates through the air.

"I'm above the law." he comments.

I scoffed, "That's the kind of thinking that gets people- rather angels in trouble. Isn't that what leads up to you all falling?"

"Something like that."

I shake my head at the old, cryptic Patch. I roll my eyes and scrub at the dried ice cream.

"Why are you here?"

He sighs and is suddenly behind me. His hands overlap mine, taking over the job. My breathing is caught and I move away from him. Passing the clean bowl to me, we begin the Wash-and-Dry process.

This feels wrong. He shouldn't be here. I shouldn't want him to be here. I shouldn't accept his help. I should've told him to leave the moment I knew he was here.

"Why didn't you?" he asked.

I jumped, but relaxed slightly knowing that he probably just heard my last wandering thought.

"Normally, you come around when someone is about to kill me or you have something important to share," I begin.

I dry the last plate before walking toward the other end of the island and picking at the place-mat, needing to have something for my fingers to do besides dragging down his arms, back, chest, stomach…

I stop the thought cold and turn back to him, staring down at the counter like my answer wasn't what he wanted to here.

"So… what's up?" I ask causally as if he hadn't ripped my heart to bits in this very kitchen several days ago.

As if I'm okay. As if he didn't hurt me. As if I wasn't still bruised. As if we were friends talking about the weather. As if the past few months had never happened.

He seemed to notice too and didn't like it; the anger, semi-annoyance was clear in his inky orbs, but he didn't comment.

"I heard your story." he said evenly.

I raise an eyebrow, "Story?"

"The one about our breakup."

"Oh right… the one where you dumped me without good reason. Its not a family favorite, y'know?" I shrug.

"Do you honestly believe that?"

"Well, of course. No one likes a story without a fairy-tale ending."

He glares at me, "You know what I mean."

I look away from his burning gaze and continuing tracing a circle around the mat.

"Do you?" he pries.

I glance up at him, "I honestly don't know what to believe anymore, Patch."

His eyes fall away from me at that. I sigh, dropping my head in to my hands. I rake a hand through my hair, attempting to gather my thoughts.

"Are we done here?" I ask quietly.

Patch meets my gaze and strode toward me. His hands grip my waist, pulling me against him. My stomach drops. His lips press against mine and my heart goes in to overdrive. The kiss is just getting started when he pulls away long enough for me to gather my thoughts.

I'm atop the counter. He's between my legs, fitting oh-so-perfectly. I keep my eyes closed, wondering if this is just a terribly wonderful dream or if reality has taken a bathroom break. Swallowing, my world becomes small as he whispers in my ear, "Open your eyes. I need you to look at me when I say this."

Peeking open, his charcoal eyes are completely exposed. His emotions are open for me to see that he feels the same as me; Scared and vulnerable.

"I will never get bored of you, Jane."

* * *

_**Any questions are welcome if you want to know more about Jane. Of course, it will be introduced gradually through the story. She is somewhat like Nora, but my own version of her. **_

_**I like reviews too to let me know how I'm doing so... REVIEW! **_

_**-Allie3**_


	4. Last To Know

Patch and Vee were both long gone by the time I finally settled down. Vee had went home around 11 this morning and Patch disappeared not too long after the kiss. Those words he whispered to me broke my heart even more.

Sure, it meant that he didn't leave for the reason I thought, but now, I was left wondering. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something I shouldn't have? Was I not giving up enough for him?

And then there was the last question that may be completely absurd, but… it was a possibility.

_Was there someone else?_

I swallowed hard as the question spun around my thoughts. Did I want to know? No. I would never want to know if he had been with someone else the whole time I thought he was dedicated to me. No one wants the knowledge they hadn't been enough.

But… did I need to know?

Well… I can't answer that.

The clock struck eight pm and I turned toward the back of the local coffee-shop-book-store. I hang up my apron and head out the backdoor. The air had dropped drastically since I showed up at 12pm. The summer breeze was now more of a September chill.

I hug my arms across my chest. The long-sleeve black v-neck is thin, but at least I worn my denim skinny-jeans. My converse pad against the concrete as I jog to my car.

Once inside the 2009 Volkswagen beetle, I crank up the heat and rub my hands together as I wait for the car to warm up.

"Its not that cold out."

I jump, but I relax just as fast. Squeezing my eyes closed, I refrain from screaming at him. I swallow and glance over at Patch. Decked out in a dark grey v-neck and a pair of black Levi's that are eventually tucked in to a pair of black steel-toe boots, I can tell he's had a rather lazy day.

"Can you not sneak up on me?" I snap.

He smirks, "If you had seen me coming, you'd have driven off and been halfway to California by now."

I bite back the fact that he's probably right. After that kiss last night or… this morning? I want some distance to think about it and figure out what it means for us, but I guess I should probably just talk to him about it.

It'd be the mature thing to do…

"I just… I'm confused." I sigh.

Patch nods, "I figured."

I look up from the steering wheel and offer a semi-desperate look, "Are you going to tell me what it meant?"

The hurt in his eyes is evident. He feels guilty for playing with my emotions; At least that means he does still care.

"What do you want it to mean, Angel?" he asks quietly.

Flaming hot anger boils inside of me at that stupid question. I glare over at him as if he couldn't have asked a more irritating question.

"Don't even pretend like you don't know what I want that to mean." I say, my tone scary quiet.

"Well… Yesterday, you wanted to forget about me. You wanted to tell me to leave, but you didn't. One second you want me to leave you alone and the next, you want me all over you." he returns.

"Maybe if you got out of my head and just asked me, you'd know what I want." I quip.

"Fine. Tell me, Jane. What is it you want?"

"You've made it clear I can't have it."

"Answer the question."

I glare at him, "You can not be that dense."

He returns the glare.

"You send mixed signals, mixed thoughts! You don't even know what you want so how do you expect me to know?" he yells.

"I know what I want!" I scream.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" he hollers.

"YOU!" I shriek.

My eyes are burning with unshed tears and they shall stay that way. I breathe in and out, attempting to regulate my breathing. I don't want to look at him, but I need to know what he's thinking and if I can't read his thoughts, his expression is the next best thing.

When I glance over, he's gone.

My throat goes dry and my heart twists. Dropping my head against the steering wheel, the tears begin to fall.

* * *

By the time I get home, I've stopped crying, but I don't know what to do.

I plop on the couch and untie my laces. Dropping the sneakers beside the couch, I curl up in a ball. Staring at the wall, I listen to the wind blowing against the windows and the animals of the night.

Its impossible to revolve my thoughts around anything but Patch. A part of me believes the kiss meant something more while a much larger part doesn't know what to think. Is he seeing if I'm still loyal? Does he want something from me? What is he doing to me?

* * *

The sun is high in the sky by the time I wake up. Checking my phone, I realize that I've slept half the day away, but I wasn't needed at work anyway. Its 2 o'clock and I have nothing to do.

Sitting up, I rub my eyes and decide to go back to sleep, but the moment I close my eyes, Vee's ringtone sings out.

"Hello?" I answer groggily.

"Did you know?!"

I squint, "Know what?"

"ABOUT PATCH!"

I sigh and sit up, realizing this isn't going to be a quick conversation.

"You're going to have to be more detailed."

"That he and Marcie are together and have been for a month!" she shrieks.


	5. I'm So Sick

"A month?" I repeat.

"YES! Four weeks, thirty days, seven-hundred and twenty hours! One. Month."

_It was somebody else_. I think bitterly.

"Marcie? As in… Marcie Millar?" I ask, not fully comprehending.

"Yes! The skanky popsicle who doesn't know how to buy clothes that fit!" she emphasizes.

"A month?" I repeat, my voice breaking this time.

"Babe, oh, God. I'm sorry! I shouldn't of-"

"No, no. Its fine. I'm happy to hear it from you…"

I jump up from the couch, sliding on my sneakers. I grab my keys and head out the door. Vee is going on and on about how sorry she is as I jump in my car and start up the engine. I back up and realize she's still talking.

I cut her off, "I gotta go, Vee. Lets hangout tomorrow. I'll text you the details. Bye."

* * *

By the time I reach Bo's Arcade, my hurt has simmered in to nothing and my anger has burst through the roof. He'd exchanged a human body for my life and we'd been in a serious relationship for two days before he started after Marcie.

My heart didn't stutter in pain. In pounded in irritation and anger. It poured in to my veins as I stomped up to the door. The guy behind the counter saw I was on a mission and didn't say a word as I slipped the fifteen dollars under the window.

No one spoke a word or even whistled at me as I made my way through the arcade toward the basement stairs.

Taking them two at a time, I narrowed in on Patch in a second. He noticed me the next moment and looked confused. He once told me when I was angry or frustrated, it was impossible to know what I was thinking.

Rixon jumped up first and grabbed me by the arm, "Hey, love."

"Not now, Rixon." I snapped.

"Hey, how about we-"

I shove him away and he is thrown in to the wall with a thud. If I wasn't seeing red, I would've been astonished by the force.

"I said not now."

Rixon nods and stands to his feet without a word, telling the bystanders to carry on. I stroll over to Patch and he gazes at me like I'm a puzzle he can't figure out.

The second I'm in arms length, hes about to open his mouth, but I slap him. Hard.

The sound of skin-against-skin echoes through the tiny, smoke-filled room. He touches his cheek and glares down at me, "What the hell?"

"That's for cheating on me. Wait till I find that little whore. She'll be getting more than a measly slap." I seethe.

Every person in the room has gone silent and Patch sighs, "You're making a scene."

I laugh, "You say that as if it means something to me."

Marcie takes it upon herself to emerge from the shadows at that point and the second her eyes land on me, she grins triumphantly. The light tint of red goes dark and all I can think about is beating that smug look off of her make-up smeared face.

Sashaying over, she gives me a bittersweet smile.

"I see you finally got the news."

I go to attack her, but Patch's arms are around my waist within seconds. A few hours ago, his skin against my own would've had me cooling down, but not now. I want her to hurt. I want her to bleed. I want her dead.

She smirks, "You can't hurt me, Janie."

I glare lasers at her and try to claw at her like a rabid cat, but quickly shifting, Patch locks my hands behind my back.

"Marcie, stop." Patch hisses.

"She's the one that started it." Marcie whines as she crosses her arm across her chest.

I breath heavy, "You're lucky he's here otherwise you'd be hanging by a thread of life right now you anorexic skank."

She laughs and tosses her articfical blond hair over her shoulder. "As if. I can beat your ass any time, any place. Besides, there's only one slut in the room and its you."

"Marcie, I said quit it." Patch growls.

"I don't go after everyone's leftovers." I seethe.

"You were still with him. He traded up."

A bitter, dry laugh echoes out my throat, "Please. I didn't put out and everyone knows that you'll spread your legs for anything with a pulse."

She steps toward me and I take the opportunity to push Patch off of me. He is thrust back for a moment and in that moment, Marcie's face drops from angry to terrified as my fist connects with her nose.

A loud crunch echoes through the room and she cries out. I go for her again, but Patch grabs me. I shove him off again and again, until both my legs and arms are suspended.

The next minute, I'm being dragged out by both Patch and Rixon.

At the top of the stairs, Rixon goes back down to check on Marcie while Patch yanks me out the door.

"What the hell was that, Jane?! Are you insane?"

The anger has subsided and I feel the numbest sensation taking over. I can breathe easy, but I have so many questions.

"Are you still my guardian?" I ask.

He glares at me, "No. I was reassigned to Marcie a month ago. You're not in danger anymore."

**(A/N: RIXON IS NOT A BAD GUY!)**

"Why do you have to date her?" I question.

Patch lets out a heavy breath and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"What is this? Twenty questions? I have to be close to her and there's no other way besides dating her."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because I didn't know how you would react and eventually, Marcie was getting persistent with me and you. She was threatening to tell you herself so I ended it."

My heart drops.

"You choose her over me?" I gasp.

He squeezes his eyes closed, "I choose your safety over my own selfish pleasure."

"You're lying." I say.

I felt it. His mind connected to mine for a brief second and it was enough to tell me that the last answer wasn't honest.

"Fine. I didn't want you to hate me, but the Archangels have been on my ass about us since the second I traded a human body for your life. They own me, Jane."

I shake my head, "No one owns you, Patch."


	6. Break

"Angel." he sighs.

Something inside me goes numb and I turn toward my car. He doesn't stop me as I drive away.

* * *

I wake up the next morning feeling numb. The next week, I'm left feeling broken and used, but come Friday morning, the breakup has long blown away and I'm left wanting something. To say it out loud would make it real.

Never in my life have I ever thought it would happen, but I want revenge. I want Patch to regret giving me up. I want Marcie to pay for all those years of torture and for having part in the best thing in my life falling apart.

Friday night rolls around and I set up plans with Vee. Makeup, short-shorts, and heels had become my best friend. I straightened my hair to perfection and used enough dark eye makeup to my eyes pop.

The only clothes I had that were even remotely revealing were a pair of dark denim shorts that cutoff a little above mid-thigh. A loose white tank-top paired with a rib length leather jacket tied a bit of dangerous bad-girl in to the look.

Borrowing a pair of knee-high leather stiletto boots from my mom's closet, I sprayed a little Victoria Secret perfume on and met Vee outside. Her jaw hit the floor.

"J-Jane?" she gasped.

I smiled, "Yeah?"

"W-what in God's name are you wearing?" she asks, sounding pleased.

"Just a little something I found in my closet." I shrug as I slide in to the Neon.

Vee smirks and nods, "I'll say. Where are we going?"

I bite my lip and glance at my phone. Scott, an old friend, had apparently moved back. My mom and his mom forced us to eat dinner together a while back, but we got along rather well. I guess the childish bickering had passed.

Anyhow, we exchanged numbers and had texted sporadically. He invited me to his gig at the Devil's Handbag tonight since I was the only one he knew in town.

"A friend of mine is playing at the Devil's Handbag. We could go there." I shrug.

Vee beams, "Is this friend a very attractive male?"

I begin nodding. Scott is quite attractive, I guess. Not to me, but to Vee, he'd be like a cool sip of water on a scorching hot day.

"For you, yeah." I smirk.

"We're going."

* * *

We'd been here for half an hour and I'd come to find I was a natural flirt. Four guys had offered to buy me a drink, which I declined, but I felt a twinge of power.

I was being noticed.

Scott came on stage a little after we'd arrived and played the bass for the band. It was cool.

**(A/N: No Blackhand or rising Nephilim army.)**

After he finished his set, he and Vee met, hit it off, and disappeared in to the back. Currently, a very attractive guy at about 5'11 was chatting me up. His hair falls over his cool green eyes and he's got a nice voice. He hasn't offered to buy me a drink, but has made pretty interesting conversation… until a certain name comes up.

"So, you kind of look like the girl I saw Patch Ciprano with a few weeks ago. He's with someone else now, but she's no where near as gorgeous as you." Dustin comments.

I bite my lip and nod, "Yeah… Things didn't quite work out between us."

"I heard he got his wings back."

I shrug.

"He was cheating on me with the other girl so whatever he did or didn't get back isn't a concern of mine. He wants that easy lay, he can have her." I say bitterly.

Dustin gives me a sympathetic smile, "For what its worth, I think he's an idiot."

"No. Patch isn't an idiot. I am for thinking that he actually would want to be with someone like me."

"Whose someone like you?" he asks.

"A boring, straight-A high-school kid with baggage of her own." I answer.

A revelation comes over me and I stand up from the bar. Dustin smiles at me, nodding.

"Realize this isn't where you should be?"

I glance around the room at all the women in similar outfits and drenched in makeup, "This isn't me."

"Who are you then?"

"I don't know."

Dustin stands up, "Need some help figuring it out?"

"Maybe."

Taking my hand, he leads me in down a hallway to the back of the warehouse. We exit through a backdoor and jog up an alley to the open road. I see the neon and he leads me toward it.

Vee and Scott are no where in sight, but Dustin and I just sit on the hood.

* * *

"So… you hit her?"

"That's the thing. It wasn't me. Well… I mean, it was, but it didn't feel like me. I mean, I shoved two fallen angels off of me with the flick of my finger; That can't be normal." I say.

Dustin and I had been talking for over an hour. I'd come to find he himself is an angel, but he's more like a police officer. He keeps the fallen angels in line and makes sure the angels of heaven are doing their own job. He's in the higher ranks of an Archangel, but is allowed to roam Earth for as long as he pleases.

"Its not, but maybe your bloodline to the fallen angel is closer than you think." Dustin suggests.

I shrug, "Some of those weird fallen angel powers only work sometimes. Mostly when I'm angry or extremely focused. I don't know how any of it works."

Dustin smirks and leans back on the car.

"None of us do. I was just recently brought in to the Archangel ranks and I'll admit that sometimes, I kind of wish I could fall. The people upstairs are difficult which is why I mostly stay down here; Did I mention that half of my closet, most reliable friends are fallen angels? The rules up there are ridiculous."

"Is Patch one of those friends?"

Dustin cracks a sad smile and nods, "Jev is one of the most popular angels there is. Everyone loves him. He's loyal to those he respects and cares about."

"Guess that explains a few things."

"Jane, trust me. He cares about you. I was one of the people in the decision of your life and the body. He choose you over that body before we even asked. It was never a choice."


	7. Fall To Peices

The next morning, I woke up at seven in the morning like I normally would. I took a shower and threw on a pair of faded jeans. I ate a bowl of cereal and brushed my teeth before cleaning up the house. I made my bed, tided up my room, and then, I sat down to start my summer reading list.

* * *

Two hours later, I shut the first book and crossed it off the list.

That's when I looked to the window and saw the rain beginning to fall. My whole morning of normalcy vanished as I turned my mind back on. I thought the best thing to do since talking to Dustin was shut down, but the cracks in my mind burst.

I rubbed my eyes and dialed Patch's number, still memorized in my mind.

It rings a few times and just when I'm about to hang up, he answers. "Hello?"

"Hey."

"Angel, why-"

"I wanted to apologize for the other night. It was immature and I need to work on controlling my outbursts. That stunt was out of line and I'm sorry." I say.

I can almost feel his grin.

"You hit her pretty hard. Her nose is broken." Patch tells me.

I try to fight back the smile, but it breaks through.

"Yeah… Blame the adrenaline."

"Sure."

"This is probably wrong, but it felt good." I admit.

"Wrong always feels right."

My pulse stutters.

"Not always."

"Would you like to test that theory?" he teases.

"Time and place." I challenge.

He laughs, deep and sexy, sending butterflies to my stomach. I bite my lip and glance over at the clock before letting out a sigh.

"I gotta go." I say.

"Hot date?" he jokes.

"Something like that…"

"What?" he snaps.

"Did your eyes just turn green?" I tease.

He grumbles, "No. Still black; like my soul."

I laugh out and stand up.

"I've got work. I've got to make money some how." I shrug.

His grin burns through the phone, "I know other ways you could make money… then again, I'd prefer it'd be just you and me."

The frustration that boils inside me simmers for a moment as I regain my patience.

"I'm sure Marcie would be happy to take you up on that offer. I, on the other hand, have respect for myself. I don't take what's not mine anyway." I say, my tone clipped.

"I was your's first, still am, Angel."

I glare at the wall, "Well, that's not what anyone else thinks."

"I don't care what anybody else thinks; that's how I want it. No one will hurt you that way."

The lump hits my throat, "I'm still getting hurt, Patch. Unintentionally, but it's still happening."

He sighs and I hear movement before a girly voice breaks through the phone. Their conversation is muffled, but I know Marcie just got to where ever he was. He begins to tell me he has to go, but I click the end button before he finishes the first word.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, I'm locking up the house when my phone vibrates in my back pocket.

* * *

**Will you call me after work? **

**-Unknown Number**

* * *

**Who is this? **

**-Jane**

* * *

**You deleted my number? **

**-Unknown Number**

* * *

I sit in the car and stare at the message for a second before shooting a text back, a slick smile on my face.

* * *

**I'm not sure who this is. My friend changed all the names in my phone. **

**-Jane**

* * *

**What's it say?**

**-Unknown Number**

* * *

**Heartbreaking Asshole. **

**-Jane**

* * *

**Cute. **

**-Unknown Number**

* * *

**I thought so too. (: **

**-Jane**

* * *

**Are you going to call me or not? **

**-Unknown Number**

* * *

**I don't talk to strangers.**

**-Jane**

* * *

Patch texts me back, but I don't reply. I shift the car in to drive and head off to work. My phone vibrates again, but I ignore it.

* * *

After work, I have the most intense need to head over to Delphic Amusement Park so I do. I park and pay for a ticket. I pass tons of teens dressed from head-to-toe in black and my feet carry me to a shed.

I blink and walk inside, completely dazed.

I lift the floorboards and jump in to the dim hallway. Something is pulling me so I allow my feet to follow it.

With each twist and turn, I lose more and more of my own thoughts. I don't stop until I'm at some black door. I turn the knob and stroll inside to find a studio-like apartment.

Black marble decorates the majority of the floor while the walls are covered in dark grey wallpaper. A leather sofa sits across from a flat screen Plasma with a metal coffee-table in between the two.

A few bookshelves are sprinkled around and the kitchen is all black and clean. My feet carry me to another door and I reluctantly open it to find a messy bed. Ebony silk sheets are cast around like someone had been tossing and turning all night.

That's when the smell hits me.

_Patch_.


	8. Be My Escape

Reality kicks in at that moment and I stumble to my knees, my head throbbing in pain. I blink and use the ground for support, but the moment my fingertips graze the cool flooring, a flash of bright white light blind me, as if I'm traveling through one of Patch's memories.

My eyes begin to burn, but suddenly, all evaporates.

* * *

I stand up and I think I'm fine, but Patch storms through the door at that second and walks through me. Following behind him is Rixon.

"You're really a bloody idiot sometimes." Rixon snaps.

Patch whips around and glares at him, "What other choice did I have?"

"Many others, Jev. So many other options, but of course, you jump to the first one you think of."

"Someone once told me not to second-guess myself. That someone being you." Patch growls as he lands on the couch.

"The girl needs you and I know you need her."

Patch drops his face in to his hands, "The Archangels are starting to threaten me. If I stay with her, they'll cast me out again and you know what that means. Then what? I'll be gone forever."

"Since when do you give a damn what they say?" Rixon laughs.

The room goes quiet as Rixon sits beside Patch on the couch. Patch's head comes up at that moment and he meets Rixon's eyes with the most serious expression I've ever seen.

"Since it means keeping me here with Jane."

My back slams against the wall as I come back from whatever it was I just saw. I blink away the fuzzy black film that resides over my eyes and try to regain my breathing.

* * *

Once I do and I'm back to rational thought, I realize what I just witnessed.

Jumping to my feet, I sprint to the door and just as I'm about to bolt out, I run in to something hard. My stomach drops as I think of what this'll look like to Patch, but when I pull away, I let out a breath at the sight of Rixon.

He glances down at me curiously, "You really are something else."

"Thank, God! I thought you were Patch for a second." I breathe.

Rixon scratches his chin and glances around the room.

"It would make sense since this is his home." he mutters.

"Yeah, I thought so. Well, um, I gotta get out of here. How did I even get here? I'm confused, but I know I have to leave. Bye." I ramble.

I begin to walk around Rixon, but he grabs me by the arm and pulls me back in the apartment.

"Jane, you can't go out there. I don't even know how you got in here without being noticed. This place is a fallen angel beehive. They'll tear you apart." he says.

"I can't stay here."

Rixon lets out a heavy breath and checks his phone, "Patch took Marcie to a movie so they should be gone for a little while. I came here to pick up his keys."

"Keys?"

"I won a bet." he grins.

I raise my eyebrows, interested.

"Bet?"

"He and I made a bet a while back about Marcie. He said you wouldn't get jealous. I said you'd punch her out for stealing your man. I won."

I smirk, "Thanks a lot."

Rixon grins back at me and nods.

"You got her good. Ever punch someone before?"

I shake my head no.

"Well, nice shot. Patch may have seemed upset about it, but between you and me, he wouldn't stop talking about how hot it was."

My cheeks warm and I bite back a smile, "He thought it was hot?"

"Sizzling." Rixon teases.

I laugh and push Rixon's shoulder.

About fifteen minutes later, Rixon grabs the keys to one of Patch's automobiles and guides me out of the fallen angel condo. He walks me to my car and follows me home for a safety precaution.

* * *

Once we get to the house, I jog over to the sleek black mustang.

"Nice win." I grin.

"Couldn't of done it without ya', lass."

I smile, "Thanks, Rixon."

He shrugs. "No problem."

I nod and begin to turn away when another thought hits me.

"Can we keep that little… break-in between you and me?"

"It's against guy-code to keep secrets about exes from best-friends, but I'll make an exception for you."

I smirk, "You better. I won you a car."

* * *

After being home for a little bit, I call Vee and tag along with her to another performance by Scott's band. I don't hang around too long before feeling out of place. Vee is dressed in a tight black tank top and skinny jeans with heels that she clearly borrowed from her mom.

"Hey, I'm gonna head out. I'll see you later, alright?"

She glances over at me through thick eye makeup, "I drove you though."

"I can call a cab." I shrug.

"Jane…" she says uneasily.

"I'll be fine!" I laugh.

She sighs and nods, "Alright. Call me when you get home."

I give her a quick hug and make my way out. Wearing shorts tonight was a bad idea as the chill nips at my bare thighs, but at least I'm wearing boots.

No one says a word to me as I make my way toward town until I make it to the outskirts of downtown when a group of seniors from my school stop me.

"Hey… you're Jane, right?" One asks.

Standing at 5'11 with big, brown eyes, I recognize this as the football star from last year, Darren Adams. His friends Blake, a sweet blonde with swagger in every word, and Shakespeare, the crazy suicidal kid whose never actually attempted suicide.

Labels suck.

I nod, "And you're number 14."

He smirks and presses a smoking object against his lips. Taking in a huge breath, I catch on pretty fast that it's not a cigarette. He passes it to Blake as he makes conversation.

"You look different… and where's your boyfriend?"

"Dumped me for Marcie Millar."

Blake chokes and passes it to the dark haired boy.

"Threw out a diamond for dog shit? Fucking idiot."

I shrug, "I've gotten over it."

"Doesn't seem that way." Shakespeare comments as he takes a drag.

The emotional boy offers the drug to me and for a moment, I consider it before shaking my head.

"Need something stronger?" Blake asks.

"No, I just don't do drugs." I shrug.

Darren smiles, "Neither did I."

"Are you crazy?" a familiar voice snaps.

I glance over at the black jeep that pulled up beside us before I smirk, "And medicated like you wouldn't believe."

He glares.

"Get in the car."

"Chill out, Ciprano. You left her, you lost ownership." Blake quips.

"It's none of your business, Johnson, and don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong. Jane, get in the car."

Darren and Shakespeare glance at me. I shake my head and step over to the jeep. Patch is raging. Without argument, I slide in and he peels out. I keep quiet as he drives and drives in silence. He starts to make his way toward my house, but as we approach the light, I speak up.

"We're going to Delphic." I say.

He glances at me, "No."

"I'm not arguing with you. Go to Delphic." I counter firmly.

With a heavy huff, we drive to the punk-ed out amusement park. Its late in the morning so everyone's gone and the park is left trashed. He parks and shuts the car off.

"Why are we here?" he snaps.

"We need to talk and it needs to be somewhere we won't be interrupted. That somewhere being your home." I say.

His eyes snap over to me, "How did you-"

"Your thoughts are very loud when you're angry, Patch." I comment snidely.

"Then you should know better to provoke me if you know I'm angry." He growls.

I slide out of the car and head toward the gates, Patch trailing beside me. He unlocks the gate and holds it open for me as I slip inside. He shuts and locks a chain around the rusted barrier before leading the way to a shed. I don't question him as we make our way down in to a tunnel.

A few moments later, we arrive at a door and he opens it for me.

I step inside and he locks the door behind himself.

"Why did you want to come here again?" he asks, his voice more calm than five minutes ago.

"We need to talk." I say matter-of-factly.

His cool, charcoal eyes glide over my face before he looks toward the wall, "Fine."

I take a seat on the couch, sliding off the boots and jacket. I tuck my feet beneath me and glance over at Patch. He stands stiffly by the door, his eyes burning a hole in to the ground.

"Come sit down." I say quietly.

When his eyes meet mine, I see the pain and restraint, but it's quickly brushed away as he sits down.

"You need to explain a few things to me." I whisper.

He glances coldly at me, "Yeah? And what's that?"

"Why you keep hurting me. It's like you enjoy it." I snap.

His eyes go soft for a second before hardening again.

"If you'd stop looking for trouble, I wouldn't have to keep coming around." He says evenly.

"Excuse me for wanting to have good time tonight after being thrown in to a spiral of confusion constructed by you. All I did was talk to those guys. I wasn't going to do drugs or anything stupid. You only seem to come around when I get some human interaction." I hiss.

"You don't know what some of some people are thinking, Jane. They might want to hurt you." He snaps.

"Like you?" I counter.

He freezes and glances at me.

"Yeah. If you actually know me, you'd know you were the second person to ever know how I felt. You and Vee are the only people who know anything about me. My own mother doesn't know me. I don't get hurt easily, but you deserve an award. It takes a lot to accomplish something like that! And hell, you've done multiple times in one day."

I stand up as I feel the tears and snatch up my boots and jacket, heading for the door. Just as I reach the handle, Patch grabs my wrist. I glare up at him, but before I can say anything, I pressed against the door. His lips attack mine with a fiery passion.

Hot tears make their way down my cheeks as I realize how much I want this, but shouldn't be doing it.

I drop my things as his hands wander down my sides and lift up my thighs. I wrap my legs tightly around his waist as my hands run through his hair. He carries us down the hall to his bedroom. The door shuts as his weight falls against me and my back presses in to a cloud-like bed.

His warm hands wander over my skin, pulling my shirt away from my torso. I rip his own shirt from his back. I hear shoes hit the floor and the sound of pants unzipping. I take a moment to slide off my own shorts and soon, we're kissing passionately in just our underwear.

I feel his fingers glide up my spine and I pull away from the kiss, "You can't feel anything." I whisper.

His silky hair brushes against my neck as he kisses down my jaw.

"I've got some connections; I have feeling, Jane. I've felt everything." He says huskily.

Pulling his back to my lips, I bring his ear close to my mouth.

"Then I want you to feel me." I whisper.

He stops moving altogether for a moment before he meets my eyes, "Jane…"

I press my lips against his as my hand slides beneath the waistband of his boxers.

The next morning, I wake up wrapped in his arms.

"Good morning, Angel." He says.

I roll on top of him and smile, "It is."

He laughs and rolls us over to reclaim his position over me. The Archangel necklace is warm as it hangs down over my chest. I pull him down to my lips.

"I'd say I love you, but you'd probably runaway again." I say quietly.

Patch lets out a heavy breath before sliding off his necklace and clipping it around my neck. He presses our lips together as his finger trails down my chest over the chain.

He smirks, "I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
